I left the GRC group about 5 years ago…give or take…and for much of that time have been suffering a depression/anxiety disorder. I didn’t develop this illness after I left, but moreover that I started suffering it whilst attending the group (I cannot call it a church nor a cult). while attending the group I recall on many occasions that fear. guilt and ridicule (mainly racial slurs) were preached from the platform. not to mention the times when I heard far worse in fellowship with various people regardless of the assembly within the group.
Anyway, I digress. I started suffering depression within a few months of being in the group as I was told by one that I was unblessed because I was out of work. I was also called a no-hoper by another. I was then lucky anough to find a decent job which I throughly enjoyed but at camp time was forced to give it up because I had to work. I was told the Lord would bless me with something better if I put him first…so I did. I was also encouraged NOT to apply for benefits as this would get in the way of the Lords will…so with great expense, I did as was directed by the minstery and went to camp. During camp time in OG that year I hardly ate or fellowshipped but I did get fat on the words that were spoken and filled myself with times in the prayer tent. As I am a fairly quiet type of person I never really put myself out there to be asked, nor was I one to intrude and ask. As most do in the group, I virtually cut ties with my family who didn’t want to know about the group I was involved in and made it quite clear how they felt. Before going to the group I had a pretty good albeit small group of friends whom I associated with, I played sport (I was encouraged to give that up too as it might interfere with meetings/fasts etc.). So over the first few months I was so excited about being part of a group that seemed to care…at least until the first camp…they did.
Once faced with camp, I threw myself into helping people set up and trying to help with anything I was asked to do. I helped a guy who I thought was a great bloke with a place to stay at camp…he was allowed to work but I had to leave my job…(go figure). Remember I had very little funds at camp as I was not working and didn’t apply for the dole either. Anyway all the guy did was drink all my drinks and eat all my food, he would invite others around as well and he would give them what was there. I brought enough to camp to last me about 10 days which was all I could afford to stay at the time…my food was gone in 3 days. Because I am not one to complain about these things I just thought oh well…and went on my way trying to get some fellowship at camp. Unlike the Benzie boys, I wouldn’t just invite myself for dinner.
Because I didn’t have any food left I spent what money I had (of course my camp fees) to make sure I could eat something…I was then called by the guy who took my fees…I could only afford $20 its all I had left…i was called a scab. so 3 times in my first 6 months by people I thought were my friends i was called things which hurt me, these things never happened with the friends i had before.
Anyway, I started to feel depressed about things and was told by the ministry to pray about it. what the hell type of answer is that! After a while I met someone in the Lord and got married and had kids. One of which passed away…after the death I was told not to discuss it as it is unedifying. I tried talking to my wife about it but she shunned me telling me to get over it and pray about it. I needed to talk about it and counselling wasn’t an option (not until after I left anyway) as that was a big no-no.
Needless to say I headed down the road to depression and the worse I felt the more anxious I got, and the more anxious I became the deeper I sunk into depression,and so on and so on…. No-one at the group cared too much about how I was and whenever I spoke to the ministry I was told to pray about it…but I guess in reality these issues are out of their depth. I remember when WF started having problems how they stepped in and tried to help only to make things worse by dragging the net over him again. NHH claimed he knew more than the doctors but I can tell you this NHH knows sweet Fanny Adams about mental issues. I have dealt with my depression and I know WF has dealt with his issues too. After other bad experiences with the group I decided to leave…that was almost 5 years ago and it has taken me up until now to realise that a big source of my depression disorder was caused by the ministering of fear by those who ruled over me.
I had counselling and now I am in a proper relationship both with my partner and with God without the influence of GRC and their blind followers. After praying many times thinking God has forsaken me I know that he hasn’t I just didn’t know he was there. He is not there because I am one of them as they claim, he is here helping me without them because I call on HIM.
